Gearing Up, Not Giving Up

When all is said and done, try to remember that getting an early diagnosis is gearing up, not giving up.

Loving Them Well: A Gentle Guide for a Husband or Wife Noticing Change

You may have noticed that your spouse is becoming more forgetful—names slip away, routines change, maybe s/he repeats stories. You’ve chosen to meet them with patience and kindness, and that’s beautiful. Many people could learn from your approach.

You’re doing something right: you’re protecting their peace.

But here’s something else you should know: you don’t have to do this alone—and you don’t have to wait for things to get harder before understanding what’s happening.

Maybe it’s just aging. Or maybe it’s something more—like dementia.

Dementia doesn’t always start with big, obvious symptoms. It can sneak in slowly, like a gentle fog. A little confusion here, a lost word there. It’s not always about memory at first. It can affect judgment, personality, spatial awareness, and communication over time.

You might think: “She’s still happy. I don’t want to upset her.” or “He would be upset if he knew.”
And you’re right—protecting their joy is important.

But here’s the thing:

Understanding the changes can help you protect that joy even better.

When you understand how dementia works—what’s changing in their brain—you gain tools. You learn how to respond in ways that make them feel safe, seen, and supported. You’ll also be more prepared for the road ahead.

This isn’t about rushing into a diagnosis. It’s about being curious and prepared, so your love can stretch even further.

A few truths that might help right now:

• You’re already doing the most important thing: loving them.

• Dementia is not just memory loss—it affects many parts of how a person lives and connects.

• Getting informed doesn’t mean things are bad. It means you’re being wise.

• The earlier you learn, the more options you both have—to make choices, set up support, and preserve dignity.

• A diagnosis (when you’re ready) can actually be a relief—it opens doors to services, planning, and peace of mind.

Next steps—for when you’re ready:

• Talk to a doctor. Even just for yourself. You don’t need all the answers right now.

• Learn a little at a time—books, videos, even short articles.

• Reach out to someone who’s been through it. You’re not alone.

• Keep doing what you’re doing: loving them. Just with more knowledge in your pocket.

Your spouse is lucky to have you.

And the more you understand about what may be ahead, the better equipped you’ll be to stay by their side—not just today, but in all the days to come.

Why Early Detection of Dementia Matters: Clinical and Practical Advantages

While it’s understandable to want to avoid a potentially upsetting diagnosis, early identification of dementia has many important benefits—for the person experiencing changes and for their loved ones.

Here are some of the main advantages, explained in real-world terms.

1. Accurate Diagnosis = Appropriate Care

Not all memory loss is dementia. Early evaluation can help rule out treatable causes of cognitive changes like:

• Medication side effects

• Depression or anxiety

• Thyroid disorders

• Vitamin B12 deficiency

• Sleep disorders

Some of these conditions mimic dementia but are reversible. Others (like different types of dementia) need very specific care approaches. Getting clarity allows for targeted, effective care.

2. Access to Medications and Clinical Support

While there is currently no cure for most dementias, there are medications and non-drug strategies that may:

• Slow progression in the early stages

• Improve quality of life

• Help with symptoms like anxiety, agitation, or sleep issues

These are most effective when started early—before the brain changes progress further.

3. Time to Plan While the Person Can Participate

A diagnosis gives families a chance to:

• Discuss wishes for future care

• Set up legal tools like powers of attorney and advanced directives

• Make financial and lifestyle decisions together

This is essential for preserving autonomy and ensuring the person living with dementia has a voice in their future.

4. Support Services and Education

With a diagnosis, families may become eligible for:

• Dementia-specific programs

• Home care and respite services

• Support groups and education

• Safety tools like wandering alert systems

Without a diagnosis, people often miss out on resources they may qualify for but never access.

5. Lower Stress, Fewer Crises

When care partners understand what’s happening, they can:

• Respond more effectively to changes in behavior

• Reduce emotional friction (e.g., avoiding arguments over memory errors)

• Prevent safety issues before they occur

This reduces stress and avoids unnecessary emergency visits, injuries, or burnout.

6. Emotional Relief and Clarity

Oddly enough, many families report that having a name for what’s happening brings relief. It shifts the narrative from:

“Why is she acting like this?”
to
“Ah, this is the disease—and we can learn how to respond.”

This reduces blame, frustration, and guilt—on both sides.

In short: An early diagnosis doesn’t mean giving up—it means gearing up.

It opens the door to knowledge, support, and choices while the person can still fully participate in their life.