Long before she learned about Grandma’s new home, there had been some small changes she hadn’t even noticed. Grandma was just … Grandma! 

The changes were small enough that a child might not even notice them. Grandma would tell the same story twice. She misplaced her glasses. She forgot which day they were coming to visit.

Sometimes she called her grandchild by another family member’s name, then laughed and said, “You know who I mean.”

But gradually, things became different.

Grandma began to need help finding the bathroom. She became frightened when she could not remember where she was. She sometimes woke during the night believing she needed to go somewhere important. The family tried to make things easier. They left notes, prepared meals and took turns staying with her.

Eventually, they had to make a difficult decision.

Grandma moved to a residence where people could be nearby throughout the day and night.

To a child, this may feel confusing.

The child may hear adults say that Grandma will be safer there. They might notice boxes being packed and familiar belongings carried into a room that does not yet feel like hers. They may notice that the adults are unusually quiet—or that someone suddenly begins to cry.

The child may wonder:

Did Grandma do something wrong?

Is she ever coming home?

Will she forget me now?

The answers are not always simple, but they can be gentle and honest.

Grandma did not move because anyone stopped loving her. She moved because dementia has made some parts of daily life too difficult and unsafe for her to manage without more support.

Her family has not given her away.

Everyone still loves her and they’ll still visit, bring photographs, sit beside her and tell familiar stories. They’ll still notice the things that make her smile and help the people caring for her understand who she is.

The child may also need to know that visiting could feel different now.

Grandma may not remember that a visit was planned. She may ask the same question several times. She may not always recognize the child right away.

But recognition is not the only way love appears.

Grandma may relax when she hears a familiar voice. She may smile when the child holds her hand. She may enjoy looking through a picture book, working on a puzzle together or listening to a song they both know.

Even if she isn’t able to say, “I remember when we did this before” she may still feel that the moment is warm, safe and familiar.

A child does not need to arrive with the perfect words or know how to make Grandma remember. The child’s job is not to test her memory. It is enough to sit beside her and say:

“Hi, Grandma. It’s me.”

It is enough to share a cookie, colour a picture or look out the window together.

There may be days when Grandma seems happy in her new surroundings. There may also be days when she wants to leave, feels uncertain or does not understand why she is there.

The child may feel sad about this. They may even feel angry at the residence, the adults or the illness.

Those feelings deserve a place too. Loving someone with dementia can mean missing the way things used to be while still loving the person who is here today.

Over time, Grandma’s new room may begin to look more familiar. Her favourite blanket may be placed on the bed. Family photographs may appear on the wall. A familiar chair, music or treasured object may help make the space feel more like her own.

The residence will never replace her family.

But it can become another place where Grandma is known, supported and cared for.

And the child can remain an important part of her life—not by making her remember everything, but by continuing to bring love into the moments they still share.

*See Important Information below.

How to Answer: “What Is Dementia?”

For a Child Approximately 5–11

“Dementia is an illness that affects how a person’s brain works. It can make it harder for Grandma to remember things, understand what is happening or do some things by herself.”

For a younger child:

“Grandma has an illness that makes remembering and thinking harder for her.”

Then stop and allow the child to decide what they want to know next.

For a Young Person 12 and Older

“Dementia is affecting how Grandma’s brain works. That is why she may forget recent events, repeat herself, become confused or need more help than she did before.”

A Useful Guideline for Adults

Give a clear answer in one or two sentences, then pause. The child may simply accept the explanation. They may also ask:

• “Will she get better?”
• “Will she forget me?”
• “Why is she moving?”
• “Why does she keep saying that?”

Those questions can be answered when they arise. The first explanation does not need to anticipate every possible fear.

Answer the question the child asked—not every question the adult is afraid they may eventually ask.

*Important Information: Understanding Our Role

While we aim to provide helpful information in the spirit of education and support, please note that the content on this website is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, treatment or individualized guidance. Checklists, examples and suggested approaches are general in nature and may not be suitable for every person or situation. You should always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for any health-related concerns.